In past weeks, Zimbabwean gossip – from the mainstream media to social media to bars and public transport – has been dominated by talk of the conviction, on multiple charges of rape, of End Time Message church leader Martin Gumbura’s, and the accompanying fate of his eleven wives.
“Who will now have his women?” asked one online publication.
In past weeks, Zimbabwean gossip – from the mainstream media to social media to bars and public transport – has been dominated by talk of the conviction, on multiple charges of rape, of End Time Message church leader Martin Gumbura’s, and the accompanying fate of his eleven wives. “Who will now have his women?” asked one online publication. Read More…
On the bumpy journey from church on Sunday, my eyes happened to fall on a Zimbabwe National Roads Authority (ZINARA) tag for holding car registration discs in place on a car wind screen. The motto “Driven to make you drive well” stood out as the countless potholes kept reminding me just how much they were failing at keeping their promise. It just got me thinking of how many companies in Zimbabwe have these well written and framed vision, mission, value statements and mottos that have nothing to do with the actual outcome of their service delivery.
A quick internet research defined a business motto, or slogan, as a short, descriptive phrase about a company or institution which represents a set of beliefs, ideals or ethical stance that the company takes as a business entity. The motto could become part of a mission statement or broader vision which gives the company direction and focus. The business motto is the image the company wishes to project to the public and therefore has to be taken very seriously.
For the past years ZINARA has been collecting money from each and every motorist through road tax and toll gate collections but our roads after the blessing of rains have nothing to show for it. One stretch of road along the Bulawayo-Harare road has remained closed and incomplete for months inconveniencing motorists and putting them at risk daily as they have to use a narrow two lanes for opposing traffic. Some have been in accidents, others had their cars damaged beyond repairs thanks to the many potholes on our roads that ZINARA is failing to get repaired or to fund.
It got me looking into the other service providers and their mottos. Needless to say I start with those known to pay their executives ridiculous salaries to see if they are deserving and if it’s not at the cost of discrediting their service promise . One that has had me interested in it for years and even became the subject of my Mass Communication diploma research topic back in 2003, is the ZBC TV motto which says “When it happens we’ll be there”.
Well since it was coined sometime around 2000 I am yet to get what they really mean unless if Ruben Barwe being the first reporter to be at the site where Cain Nkala’s remains were found or ZBC reporters being part of the first to expose the Pius Ncube nude pictures to the public counts. Besides covering state functions and other pre-planned events ZBC has been really failing to break news even on their online platforms. What we see (if at all we still tune into ZBC) are repeats and dubbed episodes from foreign tv stations. ZBC really needs to change its motto to something like “When it happens we’ll be elsewhere”
PSMAS – “We Value your Health”. I have been a member of this medical aid service before. It was good on payment options but poor on delivery. Up to now I have not received refunds to some upfront payments I made for my late mother’s (a beneficiary) treatment. When I heard what the CEO was getting paid per month I was really disappointed, no I was shocked, actually I was livid at the discrepancy between that and the services offered. A pal of mine suggested the motto be changed to “We value your money” and I agree.
Harare City Council – “Pamberi Nekushandira Vanhu” “Forward with working for the people. If what i read in the newspapers about that council management’s pay and the poor service delivery on water, sewerage and refuse management is true, then this institution has a long way to go to convince residents they are indeed working for the people and not just lining their pockets. In some areas, there has been no tap water for years, typhoid and cholera are an ever present danger as sewerage flows freely in the streets in some areas and yet health institutions are in a mess or unaffordable for the ordinary person. The motto here may as well be ” Pamberi Nekushandira Zvedu”
Air Zimbabwe – “Zimbabwean Hospitality in the Sky”, honestly Simba chips and juice can never pass off as hospitality anywhere, in fact I hear lately their excuse is that the Harare-Bulawayo route is too short to serve refreshments so now all they give is water. If that is all Zimbabwe has to show for hospitality then we must be ashamed of ourselves because even $30 buses give fruits on board for a 6 hour trip. Is just a little more too much to ask for a 30minute trip worth $150? Even biltong, roasted nuts and yoghurt would be far much better than just water . Their motto must be “Zimbabwean Hospitality Gone to the Dogs”
TelOne – ” Bringing you together” I think this applied in the 90s when TelOne was the only telecommunications network that linked people in the country. Well at least they still try to connect people being the only landline service provider but now that almost every zimbabwean home has more than one cellphone, internet access and email this motto is hard to sustain.
The list could go on and on and I am sure we all have personal experiences to dispute some of the driving statements behind many companies. It is time we demanded promised services and value for money. The customer not the company CEO is King and to me no amount of justification can absolve any group from their promise of perfect service.
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” William Shakespeare in Romeo&Juliet
On December 24, I will be celebrating my first year of marriage. A lot has changed in the last eleven months but not my surname.
I have officially remained a Ndlovu, not because of any rebellious streak that is usually attached to women of my generation but because I have so much attached to my maiden surname plus I have been too busy to go to the Registrar General’s office to face the unpleasantly, cumbersome and time consuming process which I have unfortunately already gone through more than once before and do not wish to ever again.
It was socially expected that, soon after the “I dos”, I would dedicate time to changing all my official documents, my ID, passport and ultimately all my accounts to be registered in my new marriage name. As much as I would love to be known as and called Mrs so and so in my social circles, the hassle that comes with officialising this has made me celebrate the ruling by High Court Judge Martin Makonese late last month that married women are not obligated to officially change their surnames.
Let’s face it, through the joys of marriage and the unfortunate tremors of divorce, it is the women only who have to face the expenses, time and rigours of changing their surnames. Many years ago, a female relative got married and changed her surname soon afterwards. Two years later, she went through a divorce and has had to live with the unpleasant attachment to her ex-husband’s name because she does not have the energy to go through a third process of applying for new official documents.
This then got me asking myself, what is in a name anyway?. Is there anything that changes in my commitment, character or demeanour with my change of surname? Does it make my husband more faithful or loyal to me? Does it make me more identifiable as a member of his family and hence a better daughter in law. Will it make people in the streets see that I am married? Will it stop other men making crude comments or making passes at me despite the ring on my finger? Will it stop other women from going after my husband or him going after them? Will it make my prospects for voting, access to economic funds, legal recognition, social and cultural freedoms better? What does the title “Mrs So and So”, on paper, hold for me or any other woman for that matter?
Then I remembered that even in the Bible, when God’s prophets wrote the scriptures, they referred to married women like Rachel as “Rachel the wife of Jacob or Rachel the daughter of Laban”. She maintained her name but was linked to her male family members through their relationship not through a change of name. So likewise I choose to be Busi Ndlovu kaBhebhe (Busi Ndlovu wife of Bhebhe). Being Bhebhe’s wife does not change who I am, a Ndlovu. It must complement me and be an addition not a subtraction of who I am and what I was before I said ‘I do’.
According to Justice Makonese “There is no provision at law that compels married women to change their surnames to those of their husbands,”
Therefore, in terms of Zimbabwean marriage law, a married woman is legally free to keep her last name. She also has the option to use it in combination with her husband’s or change it totally to her husband’s if she so wishes. It is just the misinterpretation or misrepresentation of this law by officers at the Registrar General’s offices all over the country that has for decades compelled married women in Zimbabwe to change their surnames especially before obtaining birth certificates for their children. In other words a married woman’s name can appear in its maiden form on her child’s birth record without any legal draw backs. This takes away the many challenges women in particular and Zimbabweans in general face when applying for national documents.
Thanks to Fadeke Obatolu and her persistence in demanding that her rights be observed, all women can now enjoy this ruling which must set precedence to many similar cases. In her application to the high court of Zimbabwe she stated:
“I believe first respondent is obliged to register all births that occur in Zimbabwe notwithstanding the citizenship of the mother …I am aware that first respondent (Tobaiwa Mudede) habitually and incessantly forces married women to change their surname before registering the births of their children. I do not believe there is any provision in the Births and Deaths Registration Act that empowers him to do so…I believe he is in breach of his constitutional obligations not only to me but to the masses of women whom he summarily compels to assume the surnames of their husbands.”
Obatolu, through her lawyer, Sarudzayi Njerere of Honey and Blanckenberghas, fought this battle and won it not just for herself but for all women in Zimbabwe who now have that simple but undeniable right to freely choose!
However I realise how difficult this is for many men to accept. To them, I quote from Shakespeare “”What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Simply put, a rose would not stop smelling as sweet nor would its thorns stop stinging as they do were it called a shrub. We would appreciate and cherish it as a symbol of love and beauty still. A woman will still love, honour and cherish her man as much without changing her surname, she will still be able to carry out her wifely duties in as much as changing from her surname to her husband’s will not make her anymore faithful if she already was not nor will it make her more respectful of his family if respect is generally not in her character.
So to our male counterparts, please understand why we will first celebrate before we justify ourselves for wanting this so much. It is because for us it’s more a triumph with ripple effects than it is a denial to be subject to our husbands. It means we can still travel with our old passports. It means we can still vote with our original IDs without need to re-register. It means we can still conduct business or financial transactions without having to apply for new bank accounts using a different surname. It simply means life goes on for us.
African and many other cultures believe that a child lives up to their name. This is why many people give their children names with ambition or linked to blessings and thanks giving. However this does not guarantee these people fulfil the meanings of their names in as much as many of those I know with names that sound like curses have proved that they are more than what is written in their birth certificate.
For many of us, our maiden surnames tell a story of our lives, who we are, where we’ve been , where we come from. Our maiden surnames are what remains of our original selves. It is what links us to the people with whom we share our blood, the people who gave us life and raised us to be the women our husbands married. It is our maiden surnames that our children will link part of their heritage to. For the new generation of women who have made names for themselves in their professions before they got married, it is our maiden surnames that tell the story of our success through sweat and toil, not through the patronage of marriage. Therefore it is not our names that give meaning to our lives, instead I believe it is how we live our lives that gives meaning to our names.
Below are some Facebook comments on this issue. My question was “To my male friends, how do you feel about your wives no longer being obligated by law to change from their maiden surnames to yours? My female friends are also welcome to give their opinion on this development.”
• Is that so, at least men will not boast that they own us and kids…having my own surname…what a relief.
4 hours ago • Unlike • 1
it gvs me joy knowing we aint obligated to change our surnames, besides the procedure is too long nt too mention complex.ubaba ngyamthanda njalo ngiyamhlonipha thts wat matters
4 hours ago • Unlike • 1
As long as my kids will not have your surname, its not a problem hanti vele awusomtanami.
4 hours ago • Unlike • 5
if u want it put a ring on it” right?if you want the ring, put your surname aside and put the ring with my surname ONLY.
4 hours ago • Like
whats in a name?
4 hours ago • Like
As long as my children have my surname okunye akulandaba
4 hours ago • Like
A round of applause for …. Women get to keep their fathers’ surnames- i find this debate a little convoluted and difficult for women to take foward
4 hours ago • Unlike • 2
Surnames carry the political,socio-economic contexts behind one’s existence
3 hours ago • Like
I think that’s fair enough, I have always viewed it as degrading women. No problem if my kids have my surname.
3 hours ago • Unlike • 1
Ngithanda ukuvumelana lesikhulumi esisanda kukhuluma uSizokuhle Ndlovu…Why should women be reduced in a partnership that should be fair? Will men also agree to carry women’s surnames if it matters this much for them?
3 hours ago • Unlike • 1
i thnk its obvious the children wil take their father’s surname there, and being known as a married woman is nt a problem 2. Ifb ayila legal documents thts why i freely and willingly use hubby’s surname,evn being addresd as Mrs Kujinga kuright.the hustle cmes with changing my tertiary qualificatns surname it might take ages and those certifcates might get lost being sent too and 4rm,all in the mame of changing names
3 hours ago • Unlike • 2
How about double barrel surnames? How do you guys find them?
3 hours ago • Like
Keep your surname and i’ll keep mine
3 hours ago • Unlike • 3
ye amadouble barrel are the way to go….removing my surname for someone else feels like totally submitting and that doesn’t go down well with some of us who are feminist by default!
3 hours ago • Unlike • 1
uWinnie Mandela walwa to retain the Mandela name. i think ongafuniyo ukutshada kayekele, ofunayo should change her surname.
3 hours ago • Like
obaba ukutshada abala ndaba lakho at all,infact if you were to research from the majority of wedded couples,it is often a womans idea..lol..on the issue on discussion mina my opinion is that it seems abafazi are taking this issue of equality too far,i think this will force us amadoda ukuthi lathi silwele ukukhitshwa kwezinto ezinjengamalobolo and all that coz lathi sesibona angani ukubhadalela umfazi kuyabe sekungani sesincenga kakhulu..
3 hours ago • Like • 1
i think will go for a double barrel
2 hours ago • Like
Thina ukutshada senzela umphakathi ukuze ungababazi ukuba sizi mpohlo. Yikho phela ubona sisiba labo makhwapheni ngoba siyizinja eziphinga njalonje! Olendoda engelamakhwapheni angitshele ngibe ngumseshi wakhe!
2 hours ago • Like • 1
most of the times its women who put men under lots of pressure, when it comes to issues of marriage.
kambe shuwa!!!
2 hours ago • Like
I say Yipee2keeping my surname,I think thats the biggest&best treasure that my dad left4me. Its my real identity,thats y I’ve kept it even afta8yrs of marriage. Sure keep yo surname I keep mine,I wil be the wife u’ve always wanted&married2.
2 hours ago • Like
With the way i luv my surname, m hapy not 2 change, cnt imagine myslf being nobuhle gabarinocheka, amandebele and khalanga malutshwana, they probably all taken, neitha cn i b nobuhle sanders, akuyenzi vele.
2 hours ago • Like
That’s the whole point , our right to choose! 2 hours ago • Like
If woman want to marry men then we can change our surnames, we may as well have to change the bible verse that a woman is under a man.
2 hours ago • Like
Since women were given complicated rights we shall be told to put on skirts as equal rights anytime soon
2 hours ago • Like
U don’t need name change to be sum 1’s wife. Not really an issue 4 me @ Busi
2 hours ago • Unlike • 1
MIND I THK THERE SHULD B Difference u usuphila labakobani if u want to use ur surname aft marriage its better uhlalengakini coz uyasithanda phela.
2 hours ago • Like
I think these are changes that have no effect, life goes on
2 hours ago • Unlike • 1
chero ,mina angila ndaba whether ngesami or ngesakhe kuyafana.surname change wl nt dis empower me or kil me neither wl it aid progres as far as my dreams are concernd.identity is formed remember so ah they wl change smethn tomor and wat happens siyaphila asifi.Paballo Mugarapasi nenhamodzevamwe vs Mdlongwa.ha ha ha angkwazi mama.
2 hours ago • Unlike • 1
Maybe there should be a bank of names such that when a couple gets married they choose a neutral name from the bank. After all the bible talks of the two leaving their mum and dads and becoming one. For example me and my wife we would choose Obama as our neutral surname
2 hours ago • Unlike • 1
Your people shall be my people, your gods my gods. Your surname my surname period!
about an hour ago • Like • 1
revisit your Bible whenever they mentioned that a man married a woman they also mentioned the woman’s father isnt that identifying a woman by his father’s name?
about an hour ago
• Unlike • 1
notice that in the Bible they always say so and so married so and so the daughter of…
about an hour ago • Unlike • 1
No ordinary work done by a man is either as hard or as responsible as the work of a woman who is bringing up a family of small children; for upon her time and strength demands are made not only every hour of the day but often every hour of the night.
– Theodore Roosevelt
Have you ever thought of what your parents, particularly your mum, could have been in life had she lived in this time of relatively emancipated women, information technology, vast knowledge and travel? A colleague of mine and I were discussing recently about how his parents had it hard in life but managed make something of their lives. His father was sponsored by foreign well wishers to complete his high school education at a boarding school in Matabeleland.
During the school holidays, he would do odd jobs to cover other costs for stationary and subsistence in the following term. Today he holds a doctorate in agriculture and lectures at two universities in Matabeleland. I couldn’t help but imagine how he got through the decades of studying without guaranteed financial support.
His mother had it just as hard and as many women during her time may have been unable to do extra paid work outside of her domestic duties to push forward for a better education. You see, my friend’s dad may have afforded to be away from his parents during the school holidays because most of the home chores would have most likely been covered by other sisters and brothers in the family. However the same may not have been possible for his mother whose absence in the home would have been greatly felt and hence unacceptable. So she settled for a secretarial and book keeping profession instead and constantly reminds my colleague that if she had had the opportunities her children have access to now, she would have gone far in life.
This discussion got me thinking of my own mother. She was pulled out of school at what was then equivalent to grade seven today. Her father felt she did not need the education because she would get married and be a housewife anyway. True to his words, at 22 she got married to my father and became a house wife for all her life. However, I beg to differ with whoever coined the term “housewife”. From all my mother did in the home, to me, she was more than a “housewife”. Besides, is there anything called a “work wife” to refer to a wife who works? Or perhaps a “Professional Wife” which sounds more like a wife who has had college education to fit the role of a wife? To me whether at home or in the office all wives are working wives, they do their work in the area that needs their attention the most at that particular time.
Despite her lack of significant academic training, my mother was a very intelligent woman. She could complete crossword puzzles in less the time I have seen most educated people do. She loved sudokus and even in her dying days I still had the duty of buying her the People Magazine’s Puzzle editions which she devoured with great passion in record time. She had three medical dictionaries from which she discovered that she suffered from a kind of anemia before a specialist doctor even diagnosed it. Thanks to her, we have never needed a family doctor because she always took care of the basic ailments and felt that with good hygiene and care most diseases could be avoided. She was right. When we did fall ill she took on the duty of being doctor and successfully nursed us back to health more often than not.
More than a hundred times I saw her successfully repair damaged electronic gadgets at home, something I never saw my father do. She made our clothes, helped with homework, defined complex English words from the top of her head while forcing us to refer to the dictionary as often as possible so we could remember words forever. I then started to ask myself what if she had grown up during my time, her father knowing better the importance and benefits of educating all children. What if she had gone on to write her O’and A’ levels. What would she have been? At most a doctor, lawyer, architect, engineer, chartered accountant at least an estate agent, Lecturer, Pharmacist, Town planner, journalist, politician amongst the endless possibilities open to women today. My father with an equally limited education managed to start his own business with a little help from his well connected friends in a patriarchal society.
I for one have no excuse for not becoming what I want to be in life. My parents were more supportive of me and my dreams than their parents were of theirs. I have an equally supportive partner and family. I have access to 21st century information technology; my profession allows me access to a number of well connected people that can link me up in numerous ways, the laws of Zimbabwe and the world recognize my individuality and rights. Thank God for the sacrifices my parents made to get me this far. From here onwards, it’s all me because I have all the above opportunities to use to the best of my ability. Plus what I do now must be able to inspire my children the same way my parents’ struggles have inspired me.
Growing up, I was repeatedly warned that labour pains are worse than a tooth ache, worse than menstrual pain and even worse than when your smallest toe bumps against the foot of a table. Ouch!
When I found out I was expecting my first born, The pleasant feeling of waiting for her arrival was constantly tainted by images of the pain that would come with it.
“The pain will immediately dissapear and be forgotten as soon as you hold that child in your arms” my mum told me once.”If it lingered, then the earth wouldn’t be as full as it is today”
She said the love for the newborn would quickly overwhelm any reminders of the pain felt during child birth, thereby initiating the bonding process. This meant that the pain and love felt almost simultaneously, made the bond stronger than any other bond possible between human beings.
Of the many wise words MaKhumalo left with me during our many mother daughter talks, she did not tell me that the labour pains last longer than the birth. She did not warn me that the pain would move from just being physical to being psycological and emotional. She neglected to warn me that every mother’s pain would extend to me too as soon as I became one too. I wonder why she did not tell me this. Maybe she did not want to make me feel like motherhood was all painful, or that she ever regretted having us. Maybe it was one of the many hard lessons she wanted me to learn on my own.
When my little girl was born, I learnt that giving birth by Cesarean section does not exempt one from labour pains. They actually follow the delivery and they are as excruciating as the pre-natal pains. When I asked my medically inclined friends why this was so, they told me that the womb would be realigning itself after the removal of the baby.
At a physical level, I was not only suffering from the surgical scares but also from this unbearable pain that no pain killer seemed to take away. On an emotional and psychological level, my premature delivery was not to bring any instant joy either. I had thought it would be nice to hold my baby earlier than is the norm, but I soon learnt that I not only had to bear with the emotional pain of not holding her but also seeing her struggle to breath due to her under developed lungs, being fed through a tube that went down her nose and being attached to some machine to gauge her heart beat. As tiny as she was at 1,2kgs, I wondered how so many tubes could be put on her tiny body. That alone, took a toll on me.
The following weeks were for God to carry me through as we struggled to get her to the ideal 1,8kgs required for her to be out of danger and be able to go home with us. It meant spending days at the hospital and nights away from her at home as we could not afford for me to sleep there as well. Mind you there were other mothers waiting for their babies to fully develop just like me. That did not stop them from feeling for me and me for them. We bonded and grew close just from our circumstances.
One of the mothers lost her baby a few weeks after he was discharged. The labour pains started all over again. Psychologically I suffered from the unbearable thoughts of consoling my dear friend. I failed to find the words to make her feel better when my child was still well and growing stronger. I also suffered from imagining if this could happen to me. Would my own child relapse and die too? No one could answer these questions.
Over the past three or so years, life has taught me that labour pains continue as long as we live. When our children fall ill, when they break a bone, when some one says something hurtful to or about them. When we fail to provide for their every need or want. When they disappointing us. When they fail an exam, when they fall pregnant out of wedlock or at a young age. When they are abused or, lose their job. When they divorce or miscarry, when they fall into addiction or lose their way. Each time something hurtful happens to another child even when he or she is not mine, I ask myself what if it was my child then the pains start all over again.
While I’v learnt that not all who give birth are mothers, I have also learnt that once a mother always a mother and one to many!
Today I attended the funeral of a dear colleague who passed away suddenly on Monday morning. It was sad because he was such a gentleman.
You know one of those rare youngmen that open the door for you and call you madam simply because you are a lady not because you are older.
Thats the kind of man Edward Thamsanqa Maphosa was. He was the last born in his family. The apple of his father’s eye since his mum passed away when he was only 5.
“Edward was more of a friend than a son to me” the father told us holding back tears when we went to pay our respects as a class on the fateful day.
His elder brother Thabani tried to be strong but his chest was like a translucent object to me. He had a lump in his heart. This lump clogged his chest and throat such that he could barely speak.
He wanted to scream but he could not, he had to be strong for his father and his sisters. If he could however, he would scream, and cry out to God and ask why he had taken his best friend and only brother.
Since their mum passed away, they had only their father to look up to. He had never remarried dedicating his whole existence to his children’s development and success in life.
Now that this, his last born is gone, just two years before he was to graduate from Nust what does he do?
The bible says theres a time for everything. A time to live, a time to die. A time to laugh and a time to cry. Why then don’t men cry.
I really wished Mr Maphosa and his son could cry. That they could wail and moan and ask the question why without having to be men about it.
I felt their pain and I shed tears for them. Me who was just a classmate was able to cry more than those that knew and loved him more than I ever could.
When times are hard, when the world shows its true colours, when pain haunts you, Why don’t men cry?
Today I went back home (Where I was born and bred) eGwabalanda and once again I was reminded of why I do not want to go back there so often.
I had no choice but to do so today because there were some important documents that I had left there in the good care of my late mum. She was the best keeper of important things, everything from simcard certificates to money was kept by her. Funny enough she would hide those things so far she would sometimes forget where she put them herself.
In Loving Memory of Mama Sibongile Margaret (Khumalo) Ndlovu 1948-2011
It was hard to confront that reality today. Going through the memories, the pictures from happier times, the high school letters I wrote her when I wanted groceries. I smiled, and shed a tear.
How do we go through so much with someone and then suddenly lose them to death. I cannot recall a time I was never with my mother. We were only separated by my being away at boarding school or the call of duty otherwise its just the one week after the wedding when I moved into my own home that we were truly apart and for good.
I sometimes wonder if my final move hit her so bad that she found it hard to cope, or she became so content that she thought she was now ready to leave. I will never know. I wish I could. I wish I knew what went through her mind the last moments of her life.
I had been with her that evening of new years day. I told her I would be writing my exams the next two weeks so I would see her after that. Had I made her feel how much I loved her and would always be there for her no matter the fact that I had moved out?
When dad passed away, I was away at college. The last time I spoke to him, I told him I loved him and missed him. Just that fact makes me sleep easier at night. The fact that I told him how I felt and that he was so precious to me.
I remember mum stopping me at the door to ask me if I was happy in my new home “Uhappy mntanam’? Ungafihli phela nxa ungekho happy, vele kangifuni anything ekuzwisa ubuhlungu” (Are you happy my child. Don’t hide it if you are not I wouldn’t want anything that makes you unhappy). She was the kind of woman who would fight her children’s battles for them despite the fact that they were grown up and needed to learn the realities of life. Like any mother, she was willing to lay down her life for her children, and at this moment, in bed and in pain, all she was thinking of was my happiness.
How do we get over such things. The sudden departure of the best people in our lives. Time does not seem to move fast enough. Its supposed to heal these wounds. But then again, I do not want it to move too fast, lest I forget. I don’t want to forget all she was, and still is to me. I miss her so so much. Even if it was just to pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other side, I would give anything for that.
If you have those you love near you today, do not take for granted their presence now, tell them you love and cherish them every moment you get. Remember that any minute they maybe out of reach, even to just call and tell them how much you miss them.
How hard is multi-tasking?
Hallo friends and collegues. Welcome to the first in a series of posts on seemingly trivial but genuinely serious issues that affect us as women on a day to day basis.
This site will cover any issue of interest from health, politics, business, motherhood, marriage, independence, faith. Anything and everything that tickles your fancy as a woman.
I just recently tied the knot, but it hasn’t been the honeymoon I was planning the last three or so years building up to it.
Don’t get me wrong, its the best thing I’ve ever done and I am very fulfilled and happy. The thing is we lost my dear mother shortly after our wedding day, then I had to sit my exams 3days after the burial. A week after that I was back in class for my second semester. So you can imagine, there has been neither time nor resources to squeeze in a honeymoon.
It seems to me that there is always so much to do and so little time for it. I always long to see my daughter (Nandi, 2) during the day, but once I get home there always seems to be so much to catch up on before bed.
Assignments, studying and catching up with work. How do other working and studying mums do it? I wonder. As for my poor hubby, he just takes it in and hopes for time in between. What else can he do when there is assignment after assignment to catch up on. But bless him, he is always supportive and patient.
Not that he does not get busy too, but culturally, even biblically I guess, thats his role to play to provide for us. As for me, its an acquired role. One to make me feel complete and cope with the ever changing times.
Growing up I remember my mother greeting me at the door after school and my dad after work. She was always there for us growing up no matter what the situation. I often wonder what dreams she gave up to be a fulltime mother. I wish I could do the same, but I need to set a good enough example for Nandi to look up to. Otherwise I won’t have an answer for the ‘Why?’ question that all kids seem to have engrained in their DNA lately.
But, despite the facts that I need to supplement the family income, advance myself academically and strengthen my capacity professionally, I also feel the need to be a full time mum and wife.
I am caught between a rock and thorny place.
One thing for sure, I will have to take time out at some period, just to experience and enjoy the other side of the spectrum. To be there when the kids get home from school and when hubby gets home from work. I think I envy that about my parents’ lives. Mum was fulfilled in her complete role as a mother and wife, and dad as the provider.
I enjoy working, being independent and busy with my own things, but I think sometimes I just want to let go. To be taken care off totally and not share any responsibilities.
Is there anyone out there that understands what I am talking about? Let me know how you are coping please.
Meanwhile, I have to rush home cause its 7pm and I’m still at the office.
Cheers guys.
buzzybusi 