“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” William Shakespeare in Romeo&Juliet
On December 24, I will be celebrating my first year of marriage. A lot has changed in the last eleven months but not my surname.
I have officially remained a Ndlovu, not because of any rebellious streak that is usually attached to women of my generation but because I have so much attached to my maiden surname plus I have been too busy to go to the Registrar General’s office to face the unpleasantly, cumbersome and time consuming process which I have unfortunately already gone through more than once before and do not wish to ever again.
It was socially expected that, soon after the “I dos”, I would dedicate time to changing all my official documents, my ID, passport and ultimately all my accounts to be registered in my new marriage name. As much as I would love to be known as and called Mrs so and so in my social circles, the hassle that comes with officialising this has made me celebrate the ruling by High Court Judge Martin Makonese late last month that married women are not obligated to officially change their surnames.
Let’s face it, through the joys of marriage and the unfortunate tremors of divorce, it is the women only who have to face the expenses, time and rigours of changing their surnames. Many years ago, a female relative got married and changed her surname soon afterwards. Two years later, she went through a divorce and has had to live with the unpleasant attachment to her ex-husband’s name because she does not have the energy to go through a third process of applying for new official documents.
This then got me asking myself, what is in a name anyway?. Is there anything that changes in my commitment, character or demeanour with my change of surname? Does it make my husband more faithful or loyal to me? Does it make me more identifiable as a member of his family and hence a better daughter in law. Will it make people in the streets see that I am married? Will it stop other men making crude comments or making passes at me despite the ring on my finger? Will it stop other women from going after my husband or him going after them? Will it make my prospects for voting, access to economic funds, legal recognition, social and cultural freedoms better? What does the title “Mrs So and So”, on paper, hold for me or any other woman for that matter?
Then I remembered that even in the Bible, when God’s prophets wrote the scriptures, they referred to married women like Rachel as “Rachel the wife of Jacob or Rachel the daughter of Laban”. She maintained her name but was linked to her male family members through their relationship not through a change of name. So likewise I choose to be Busi Ndlovu kaBhebhe (Busi Ndlovu wife of Bhebhe). Being Bhebhe’s wife does not change who I am, a Ndlovu. It must complement me and be an addition not a subtraction of who I am and what I was before I said ‘I do’.
According to Justice Makonese “There is no provision at law that compels married women to change their surnames to those of their husbands,”
Therefore, in terms of Zimbabwean marriage law, a married woman is legally free to keep her last name. She also has the option to use it in combination with her husband’s or change it totally to her husband’s if she so wishes. It is just the misinterpretation or misrepresentation of this law by officers at the Registrar General’s offices all over the country that has for decades compelled married women in Zimbabwe to change their surnames especially before obtaining birth certificates for their children. In other words a married woman’s name can appear in its maiden form on her child’s birth record without any legal draw backs. This takes away the many challenges women in particular and Zimbabweans in general face when applying for national documents.
Thanks to Fadeke Obatolu and her persistence in demanding that her rights be observed, all women can now enjoy this ruling which must set precedence to many similar cases. In her application to the high court of Zimbabwe she stated:
“I believe first respondent is obliged to register all births that occur in Zimbabwe notwithstanding the citizenship of the mother …I am aware that first respondent (Tobaiwa Mudede) habitually and incessantly forces married women to change their surname before registering the births of their children. I do not believe there is any provision in the Births and Deaths Registration Act that empowers him to do so…I believe he is in breach of his constitutional obligations not only to me but to the masses of women whom he summarily compels to assume the surnames of their husbands.”
Obatolu, through her lawyer, Sarudzayi Njerere of Honey and Blanckenberghas, fought this battle and won it not just for herself but for all women in Zimbabwe who now have that simple but undeniable right to freely choose!
However I realise how difficult this is for many men to accept. To them, I quote from Shakespeare “”What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Simply put, a rose would not stop smelling as sweet nor would its thorns stop stinging as they do were it called a shrub. We would appreciate and cherish it as a symbol of love and beauty still. A woman will still love, honour and cherish her man as much without changing her surname, she will still be able to carry out her wifely duties in as much as changing from her surname to her husband’s will not make her anymore faithful if she already was not nor will it make her more respectful of his family if respect is generally not in her character.
So to our male counterparts, please understand why we will first celebrate before we justify ourselves for wanting this so much. It is because for us it’s more a triumph with ripple effects than it is a denial to be subject to our husbands. It means we can still travel with our old passports. It means we can still vote with our original IDs without need to re-register. It means we can still conduct business or financial transactions without having to apply for new bank accounts using a different surname. It simply means life goes on for us.
African and many other cultures believe that a child lives up to their name. This is why many people give their children names with ambition or linked to blessings and thanks giving. However this does not guarantee these people fulfil the meanings of their names in as much as many of those I know with names that sound like curses have proved that they are more than what is written in their birth certificate.
For many of us, our maiden surnames tell a story of our lives, who we are, where we’ve been , where we come from. Our maiden surnames are what remains of our original selves. It is what links us to the people with whom we share our blood, the people who gave us life and raised us to be the women our husbands married. It is our maiden surnames that our children will link part of their heritage to. For the new generation of women who have made names for themselves in their professions before they got married, it is our maiden surnames that tell the story of our success through sweat and toil, not through the patronage of marriage. Therefore it is not our names that give meaning to our lives, instead I believe it is how we live our lives that gives meaning to our names.
Below are some Facebook comments on this issue. My question was “To my male friends, how do you feel about your wives no longer being obligated by law to change from their maiden surnames to yours? My female friends are also welcome to give their opinion on this development.”
• Is that so, at least men will not boast that they own us and kids…having my own surname…what a relief.
4 hours ago • Unlike • 1
it gvs me joy knowing we aint obligated to change our surnames, besides the procedure is too long nt too mention complex.ubaba ngyamthanda njalo ngiyamhlonipha thts wat matters
4 hours ago • Unlike • 1
As long as my kids will not have your surname, its not a problem hanti vele awusomtanami.
4 hours ago • Unlike • 5
if u want it put a ring on it” right?if you want the ring, put your surname aside and put the ring with my surname ONLY.
4 hours ago • Like
whats in a name?
4 hours ago • Like
As long as my children have my surname okunye akulandaba
4 hours ago • Like
A round of applause for …. Women get to keep their fathers’ surnames- i find this debate a little convoluted and difficult for women to take foward
4 hours ago • Unlike • 2
Surnames carry the political,socio-economic contexts behind one’s existence
3 hours ago • Like
I think that’s fair enough, I have always viewed it as degrading women. No problem if my kids have my surname.
3 hours ago • Unlike • 1
Ngithanda ukuvumelana lesikhulumi esisanda kukhuluma uSizokuhle Ndlovu…Why should women be reduced in a partnership that should be fair? Will men also agree to carry women’s surnames if it matters this much for them?
3 hours ago • Unlike • 1
i thnk its obvious the children wil take their father’s surname there, and being known as a married woman is nt a problem 2. Ifb ayila legal documents thts why i freely and willingly use hubby’s surname,evn being addresd as Mrs Kujinga kuright.the hustle cmes with changing my tertiary qualificatns surname it might take ages and those certifcates might get lost being sent too and 4rm,all in the mame of changing names
3 hours ago • Unlike • 2
How about double barrel surnames? How do you guys find them?
3 hours ago • Like
Keep your surname and i’ll keep mine
3 hours ago • Unlike • 3
ye amadouble barrel are the way to go….removing my surname for someone else feels like totally submitting and that doesn’t go down well with some of us who are feminist by default!
3 hours ago • Unlike • 1
uWinnie Mandela walwa to retain the Mandela name. i think ongafuniyo ukutshada kayekele, ofunayo should change her surname.
3 hours ago • Like
obaba ukutshada abala ndaba lakho at all,infact if you were to research from the majority of wedded couples,it is often a womans idea..lol..on the issue on discussion mina my opinion is that it seems abafazi are taking this issue of equality too far,i think this will force us amadoda ukuthi lathi silwele ukukhitshwa kwezinto ezinjengamalobolo and all that coz lathi sesibona angani ukubhadalela umfazi kuyabe sekungani sesincenga kakhulu..
3 hours ago • Like • 1
i think will go for a double barrel
2 hours ago • Like
Thina ukutshada senzela umphakathi ukuze ungababazi ukuba sizi mpohlo. Yikho phela ubona sisiba labo makhwapheni ngoba siyizinja eziphinga njalonje! Olendoda engelamakhwapheni angitshele ngibe ngumseshi wakhe!
2 hours ago • Like • 1
most of the times its women who put men under lots of pressure, when it comes to issues of marriage.
kambe shuwa!!!
2 hours ago • Like
I say Yipee2keeping my surname,I think thats the biggest&best treasure that my dad left4me. Its my real identity,thats y I’ve kept it even afta8yrs of marriage. Sure keep yo surname I keep mine,I wil be the wife u’ve always wanted&married2.
2 hours ago • Like
With the way i luv my surname, m hapy not 2 change, cnt imagine myslf being nobuhle gabarinocheka, amandebele and khalanga malutshwana, they probably all taken, neitha cn i b nobuhle sanders, akuyenzi vele.
2 hours ago • Like
That’s the whole point , our right to choose! 2 hours ago • Like
If woman want to marry men then we can change our surnames, we may as well have to change the bible verse that a woman is under a man.
2 hours ago • Like
Since women were given complicated rights we shall be told to put on skirts as equal rights anytime soon
2 hours ago • Like
U don’t need name change to be sum 1’s wife. Not really an issue 4 me @ Busi
2 hours ago • Unlike • 1
MIND I THK THERE SHULD B Difference u usuphila labakobani if u want to use ur surname aft marriage its better uhlalengakini coz uyasithanda phela.
2 hours ago • Like
I think these are changes that have no effect, life goes on
2 hours ago • Unlike • 1
chero ,mina angila ndaba whether ngesami or ngesakhe kuyafana.surname change wl nt dis empower me or kil me neither wl it aid progres as far as my dreams are concernd.identity is formed remember so ah they wl change smethn tomor and wat happens siyaphila asifi.Paballo Mugarapasi nenhamodzevamwe vs Mdlongwa.ha ha ha angkwazi mama.
2 hours ago • Unlike • 1
Maybe there should be a bank of names such that when a couple gets married they choose a neutral name from the bank. After all the bible talks of the two leaving their mum and dads and becoming one. For example me and my wife we would choose Obama as our neutral surname
2 hours ago • Unlike • 1
Your people shall be my people, your gods my gods. Your surname my surname period!
about an hour ago • Like • 1
revisit your Bible whenever they mentioned that a man married a woman they also mentioned the woman’s father isnt that identifying a woman by his father’s name?
about an hour ago
• Unlike • 1
notice that in the Bible they always say so and so married so and so the daughter of…
about an hour ago • Unlike • 1
buzzybusi 