Dealing with the loss of a loved one

Today I went back home (Where I was born and bred) eGwabalanda and once again I was reminded of why I do not want to go back there so often.

I had no choice but to do so today because there were some important documents that I had left there in the good care of my late mum. She was the best keeper of important things, everything from simcard certificates to money was kept by her. Funny enough she would hide those things so far she would sometimes forget where she put them herself.

In Loving Memory of Mama Sibongile Margaret (Khumalo) Ndlovu 1948-2011

It was hard to confront that reality today. Going through the memories, the pictures from happier times, the high school letters I wrote her when I wanted groceries. I smiled, and shed a tear.

How do we go through so much with someone and then suddenly lose them to death. I cannot recall a time I was never with my mother. We were only separated by my being away at boarding school or the call of duty otherwise its just the one week after the wedding when I moved into my own home that we were truly apart and for good.

I sometimes wonder if my final move hit her so bad that she found it hard to cope, or she became so content that she thought she was now ready to leave. I will never know. I wish I could. I wish I knew what went through her mind the last moments of her life.

I had been with her that evening of new years day. I told her I would be writing my exams the next two weeks so I would see her after that. Had I made her feel how much I loved her and would always be there for her no matter the fact that I had moved out?

When dad passed away, I was away at college. The last time I spoke to him, I told him I loved him and missed him. Just that fact makes me sleep easier at night. The fact that I told him how I felt and that he was so precious to me.

I remember mum stopping me at the door to ask me if I was happy in my new home “Uhappy mntanam’? Ungafihli phela nxa ungekho happy, vele kangifuni anything ekuzwisa ubuhlungu” (Are you happy my child. Don’t hide it if you are not I wouldn’t want anything that makes you unhappy). She was the kind of woman who would fight her children’s battles for them despite the fact that they were grown up and needed to learn the realities of life. Like any mother, she was willing to lay down her life for her children, and at this moment, in bed and in pain, all she was thinking of was my happiness.

How do we get over such things. The sudden departure of the best people in our lives. Time does not seem to move fast enough. Its supposed to heal these wounds. But then again, I do not want it to move too fast, lest I forget. I don’t want to forget all she was, and still is to me. I miss her so so much. Even if it was just to pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other side, I would give anything for that.

If you have those you love near you today, do not take for granted their presence now, tell them you love and cherish them every moment you get. Remember that any minute they maybe out of reach, even to just call and tell them how much you miss them.